Check your child’s ‘attachment quotient’ to understand your child’s emotional and social well being.
Attachment is what defines our emotional and behavioral system; our attachments are what define long term emotional ties with others. Our emotional attachments keep us emotionally healthy and lead to our overall emotional and social well being. Young children have two significant behaviors in the early years- attachment and exploration. I use the term ‘seek in and seek out’ for these. They like to build a close parent-child relationship by staying with their parents and also have the urge to venture away and explore. So in the early years you will notice a behavior that many find confusing; the child clings to the parent and then almost tries to go away to explore. Once we understand the need for exploration and its connection to attachment we will not find this behavior confusing and will in fact be able to support kids in this process. Kids who are securely attached will be able to have the confidence to explore; this is because the child trusts the attachment. It is like kids use the important adults in their lives as a ‘battery charger’, they come close to be ‘emotionally charged’ and then explore. Once they run out of ‘battery’ again, they return to the same source!
There are four stages of attachment that we need to look for and support in growing babies -
It is very interesting to note the emergence of separation anxiety and how it is linked to the growth both in terms of emotional and cognitive development in young toddlers. According to Erik Erikson the first year of life is when children develop the essential emotional skill of trust v/s mistrust and so need to be near familiar adults who give them responsive care. And according to Jean Piaget it is at this stage of sensory motor development that a child develops the intelligence to realize that something that exits and now disappears from sight, still exits somewhere else. This stage is called object permanence and this leads to separation anxiety. So a toddler understands that my mother, who was here right now and disappears, is still somewhere else and not with me and thus uses crying, screaming to get the mother back. Piaget believed from birth babies reactions to the world are purely reflexive (without thought). This first stage of cognitive development, Piaget termed as the sensorimotor stage. During this stage babies rely completely on their senses and physical activity to learn about their world. According to Piaget, intelligence began when the reactions became purposeful, when object permanence occurs.
If you observe babies and toddlers from birth you will be able to see the four stages emerge in the child’s behavior. It is how babies and toddlers are handled at each stage that will define secure emotional relationships. For example at the separation anxiety stage, if a parent leaves the toddler in a new preschool and slips away without saying good bye, it will be a traumatic emotional experience that can lead to the child not being able to trust adults or a fear of school and related activities. Similarly when toddlers are at the stranger anxiety stage, a new teacher or adults they meet at a field trip can scare them. So it is essential that early childhood teachers remain the same during this period and in case of change of teacher, a familiar adult to be there with the new teacher for some time till the toddlers trust the newcomer.
John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’s work in the area of attachment has been significant in helping us understand about attachment in young toddlers and how we can support it to ensure healthy socio-emotional development for life. According to them, there are four types of attachment styles in children and it is important for parents, caregivers and teachers to support each child to help them gain trust and become secure. These attachment styles start first with the child’s interactions with parents and continue into preschool.
Creating a relationship with an insecurely attached child
Attachment in the early years defines your life’s core beliefs, so securely attached children will grow up with a view that,
Whereas insecure attached children will grow up with a view that,
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